Are You Feeling Stuck Due To COVID19?

Everyone's experience of COVID 19 is completely different. Some people having been feeling more stress than others especially those who are in isolation and working from home. Our realities have changed with this pandemic and mostly we can all relate to the fact that uncertainty has really turned things upside down from a social, economic, work and psychological point of view.

The one thing that keeps most people anxious is whether this is the new way we are all going to be living life moving forward. Has our past "freedom" been redefined from now on and are restrictions the new way of doing everything from social distancing to dating to job interviews to dining out? Is our optimism slipping?

This psychological phenomena is very similar to grief, in fact we could say that most people may be experiencing this "anxiety and stuckness" as a result of the losses (sense of security, jobs, routine etc) we are experiencing as a society and then individually.

Some people are continuing life as if it isn't happening (denial), others are afraid that life will never be the same and feel down (depression). What we can see is how our ability to be resilient is certainly being tested.

Flattening the curve is our goal as a society but some people are getting fed up and wondering how to continue to stay in isolation and not feel "stuck" in grief or this never ending uncertainty.

If you are stuck in the COVID19 grief cycle you may be experiencing:

a) loss of interest: socially, activities, hobbies or meaningful experiences, all seems monotonous.

b) sense of time and day is scrambled: all your days feel the same. Nothing eventful to write home about. A weekend feels like a weekday. 

c) boredom: Less things to do, given everyday feels like you are just the same thing over and over again. Can't think of anything else and even if you did, refer to point 1 - not interested anymore.

d) deflated about future plans: unsure as to whether to create some travel plans as that may be different from now on. The idea of doing a road trip even locally seems unexciting but more like something to break the monotony.

Ways to navigate the above points:

1.      Talk about it with your friends or family/neighbours. It's important to not assume that this is only happening to you or that you feel unable to express your feelings because it's a burden. Share the load and in the meantime, keep connecting with others

2.      Staying informed is necessary but most of your days should be news free. Focus on other world topics and discuss these. Create other activities that allow you to distinguish weekends from weekdays even for every day of the week.

3.      Try and make use of the time you have at home, given that it's highly likely things will change and soon you will be wishing you could be home working on a rainy day instead of having to step out into the cold. For instance; organise, fix, paint, clean your house and garden.

4.      Dream anyway. Our fantasy allows us to be hopeful and creativity may strike in other ways you didn't expect. Go on the road trip anyway, sometimes we just need to make that initial move and things flow quickly on from there as we remember how much fun we can have with the simple things in life.

Resilience is a must in times like these. Remaining positive when we can and expressing our emotions so we don't feel so alone is a bit step towards becoming unstuck

By Psychologist Magdalena Lopez

About Me: I'm a caring & compassionate Psychologist in Melbourne, helping adults, couples and families in counselling who have anxiety, depression or relationship concerns, live a happier, healthier life. 

What are the best ways to deal with grief and loss?

When it comes to grief and loss, it’s painful, and there is actually no one easy answer. There are however constructive strategies to cope, lessen the pain and move forward.

Humans have a natural response to letting go, it's an emotional process called grief.

Losses can be big and small and come in all shapes and forms.  For example, we can say goodbye to a person, as much as we can say goodbye to things or ideas like a home, a job, a country, a culture, a dream, or a business venture or an inanimate object, such as a much-loved pair of shoes. The degree of the loss and its intensity varies as does it’s lasting effects.  Are there more things you can think about that are hard to let go of?

We all grieve at some point in our life.  There is no escaping it.  The grieving process is nature's way of healing a wound and it's also nature's way of telling us that we need to retrieve some of that love back that we lost through that person, aspiration or object so that we can give it to somebody/something else.

When we grieve we actually lose a part of ourselves. We feel broken, lost and confused and that life is not whole anymore. A common example is when a relationship ends. It hurts so much because we feel a part of us dies.

Since grieving is both a natural process but also unavoidable we have two ways to do this we can either crumble underneath it or find ways to grow through it and move on.

Think about these three things to help you grieve and help your mind do its natural healing:

1.   Tune in to what you need. 

Grief itself will be guiding you and it will be telling you if you need to sleep more, go out more, cry or even laugh more.

2.   Have patience with yourself. 

Try not to criticize yourself for the way you feel.  It's normal, it's acceptable, it's natural. Don't fight it.  And overall don't be critical of yourself or your feelings.  It is a bit of a roller-coaster ride and it will be messy.

3.   Don't suffer in silence or alone. 

Despite grief being natural and very painful, it doesn't mean you need to suffer alone or in silence.  Share your experiences and feelings with someone. 

In the end, grief changes us all but it's up to you to make those changes healthier and for the better.

By Magdalena Lopez

Psychologist

What is Depression

Have you felt sad, empty and tearful for long periods of time?

Or inexplicably angry and irritable or frustrated over small things .....?

What about feeling like you've lost pleasure in most things and just want to be alone?

Most people have a rough idea of what depression is and have possibly even experienced it at some point in their lives. Feeling low, sad down in the dumps with no motivation. Sometimes it can leave little will to live. It is also known as The black dog - for the same reason that it's this dark constant companion that can be unpredictable, sinister, overwhelming and not always seen, perhaps even feared. If any of you reading this article have ever felt depressed or had depression, you may recognise how well the metaphor actually fits.

Luckily, these days we are much more aware of depression as an important mental health issue, that if not treated can result in the tragic loss of loved ones to suicide.

But what exactly is depression? It's a huge question to answer, with so many layers to it. I am going to propose a general mental health description which we can all understand. A definition of Depression that I personally like because I think it makes the most sense. " A mental health disorder characterised by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life" Mayo Clinic.

Although this is just a simple statement, it really does cover the basics for what we all can relate to and consider when it comes to understanding depression. The catch is that it lacks a tonne of information that defines more accurately all the "types" of depression we know today. There are too many, and to know which "one" you might have perhaps is best left to trained professionals such as Psychologists.

What we do know aside from this definition is that it truely is a dark place to be in mentally, emotionally, socially, and even physically. It's painful not just to the person suffering but to friends and family that don't know how to help and feel incapable of making you feel better. What causes it?

The good news is that there is help and treatment for depression no matter what 'type' you may have. Recognising symptoms is the first step, followed by reaching out to a qualified psychologist to start the process will bring some relief and hope which already is an improvement.

Some signs of depression are: low - flat - isolated - helplessness - hopelessness - amotivated - restless sleep -negative thoughts - appetite - crying a lot

Psychodynamic therapy treats depression by getting to the root cause. There are many reasons depression comes on board for an individual, perhaps it's time you speak to a psychologist about what you are feeling and discover ways that together you can overcome depression and move forward.

By Psychologist Magdalena Lopez

About Me: I'm a caring & compassionate Psychologist in Melbourne, helping adults, couples and families in counselling who have anxiety, depression or relationship concerns, live a happier, healthier life.